I was watching that “It’s A Sin” on tv last night and it got me thinking about my experience of that time. Back then you couldn’t just wave your erection in the car window like you can now – seriously, one still can’t wave ones erection, you couldn’t then, and you can’t now – never could! Believe me, I’ve tried!
That is the nature of homosexuality, its not really something you take up lightly, or maybe you do? What do I know?
Last week, I was compiling the jobs I was at between about 1980, and around 92’ – I had over 22 jobs! I wasn’t in some line of work where you just move around a lot, I would just get a job, get fed up with it, and go and get another job somewhere else – I was certainly a bit of a miss-fit. If I felt the job was dead end and going nowhere, I’d leave – I tried to settle, but never could – they’d call me the wanderer! 🙂
Hmm, thats not very gay is it? Its a fantasy, I didn’t wander around with my two fists of iron and get loads of women, I would have liked to, but as I say, that’s mere fantasy.
I probably got loads of stories about all these workplaces, memories of people and places and so on, but ultimately, it was a waste of time!
The last of the 22 jobs fell through, and I knew I wasn’t very happy living the way I did, so I took a year or 2 out to get stoned, then went to college to do art. It was great, because I was about 28 or 30, and at a dead impasse, and this was like a second chance – I hated school when I was younger, but now I wanted it – the teaching was good, and interesting, and I was surrounded by young girls, pretty ones, the best of the bunch tend to like art, so there I was, sat down by the river, surrounded by these girls, you can never have too many girls, no one cared if you were gay or straight, it was a good time IMO.
After that, I went and did a degree, and did well on that too, and got teaching quals, I thought maybe I’d get a better job, but also, at the same time I’d been doing some cleaning work for the council to help pay for my education. In the end, I just carried on with the council job, and I have been there for 20 years or so now – the job is rubbish, but I’m not really interested in teaching or getting more money, I have enough to pay for paints and stuff, and I don’t really care about selling art or being successful at that either. I was talking to someone about it the other day, and she said its because I don’t have kids. She’s probably right, if you don’t have to have them, why would you?
Getting back to the gay thing, I don’t fancy blokes as a rule, I’d sooner fuck a woman than a guy any day, and yet this never seems to “cut it” with women. I don’t think I shall ever understand them. I actually feel that I understand them very well, but I don’t know them in the way that I ought in order to be a classical straight man – do classical straight men know anything? Anything at all? They seem a bit Neanderthal to me, I like it, I think its great, to react like a reflex – must be amazing! I’m too damn philosophical, thats my problem. 😦