Being and Nothingness!

There was a milestone today in my life, I had this problem with my rear mudguard, (fender) on the motorbike, it just rattles about a bit, its the fixings and fittings are worn out, so I found out I could buy this part for only about £30, so I got it, and it arrived the next day, today, so I decided to fit it right away, since I had the whole week off, it seemed like a good idea, but then when I got it off, I couldn’t remove the indicators without wrecking them, so in the end, I decided to give up on it for now – its too cold to work outdoors, and I need the bike for work next week, so anyhow, I put it all back together, then the rear light wasn’t working, so I had to take it all apart again, and find the broken wire, fix that, then put it all back together all over again – so you see my problem? Its been difficult – now I have to drink loads of beer to drown my sorrows on this matter –  its hardly important, I’ll have another go at it when the weather warms up, or if I can source some cheap replacement indicators. The thing is, its a major life changing event for me, comparatively to anything else that happened in the last 12 months or so at least, I don’t really need this kind of bullshit in my life, its not what I dreamed of – ok?

The cats that used to come round here everyday for snacks disappeared this week – its extraordinary, perhaps I’m missing them? They been here every day for a couple of years, first the black and white one vanished about 4 months ago, no idea where too – but she wasn’t so regular in the last few months, so I expect she found a new address to visit, also, she was pretty fat anyhow, so I reckon she was doing ok – the 2 boys were both really skinny, and were here all the time, so perhaps the guy who owned them moved out? I have no idea – weird! 

I did a lot of music, its all crap, but I’m enjoying it, so I shall post some of that before long, on a motorbike video, I finished one last week, and uploaded it – it took ages – but it never appeared on youtube, I don’t know why, but my computer is a bit crippled – so it could be to do with that, not sure.

The cat is sprawled out in front of the fire, I trouble her from time to time and she’s like WTF man? Leave me alone! 

I have no real idea what the meaning is of this song, its not been troubling me really, I don’t care what its about, I wonder why he shouts out “Suffragette?” half way through?

Ah, this makes much more sense!

The Stranglers used to perform at weddings before they got famous for punk rock! Bit of pop trivia there! 😀

Gimmie dat rock n’ roll!!


If you’re waiting for the right moment to do something, you’ll be waiting a long time, cos there is no right moment for anything! Similarly, if you’re waiting to meet that special someone – that one person out there, somewhere, who understands you – well, unless you’re ready to be fooled, you’re wasting your time. Whats the chances that you’re actually just waiting to meet yourself? I mean, if you’re going to meet someone and you’re prepared to accept that they don’t understand you hardly in any way whatsoever, then you’re going to find that you have a road ahead of you learning about that other person and about how you yourself can or can’t change to meet them in some reasonable acceptable compromise. If you are expecting to one day meet someone who is so very understanding of you, that they are the perfect match, and so like you, its hard to tell where one ends and the other begins, well what sort of a relationship would the be? Perfect? Or just bloody downright boring and pathetically self deceiving, in reality, that other person is just pretending to be what you want, and you, like some big stupid idiot, have fallen for it – what a Berk! And that other person is a Berk too!

Well anyhow, I like to just get on with things in my life, so thats why I have been so successful, so I thought I’d just share that with you – I was just doing something and thinking about how in a perfect world, I’d get this right, or that, and its never really exactly what I hoped for, and how frustrating it is to be less than perfect, so the lesson is, who gives a fuck? I mean, if things aren’t perfect, well thats not your problem is it? Thats their problem! Your problem is not theirs, therefore, don’t worry about it!

Ok, as you were, go back to being an idiot, just pretend I never said anything, its for the best after all, things will get better if you keep trying, or they might do if you don’t, who knows? 😀 😀 ❤ 

A Trip!

Greetings fellow bloggers – I know some of you have been struggling with the new editor, it hasn’t got me yet, as I’m just using the old online one so far, so I’m pretty much out of the loop on that one.

On Saturday, just gone, we went to London for a day trip to see the Aubrey Beardsley exhibition – a rare treat! What a drag its been, everything being closed, and no one able to go anywhere or do anything. This exhibition was due to start the day lockdown began, so it was closed after about 24hours, I thought we’d never get to see it, then they re-scheduled it, so we got tickets and went on a day trip. Here’s some photos I took. Aubrey Beardsley is an English graphic artist (1872-1898) contemporary of Oscar Wilde &co, so the art was a bit decadent at that time, Beardsley was particularly naughty with some of his stuff, considering how long ago and how prim and proper the Victorians were meant to be, they were pushing the boundaries, or perhaps being a bit secret and elitist? Perhaps its a forerunner for modernism? I mean, just kind of larking about a bit, being exclusive, and mocking the more general trends?

Anyhow, here’s one – this is really famous, “The Peacock Skirt”


This one is about Salome – I forget the title, his designs are fantastic!


I liked this one – amazing!


This one is so sweet!


Here’s a naughty one!


He had TB, and died at only 25, so we can forgive him for drawing great big penis’s occasionally? Heh,heh,

Anyhow, after that, we went to this other exhibition, while we were in town, it was about electronic music, so there was all this history of rave and dance house culture and so on. You had to bring along your own headphones, and plug them into all the exhibits to hear the sounds that went with each thing. It was pretty good actually. They had this music thing like this, you’ll have to see it, just scroll forward, and you’ll get the idea – this is someone else’s video, saves me uploading mine 🙂


Here’s my copy! 🙂

Down the Pub!

Content Warning – swearing Level 5

So, we went for this walk round a park and garden, and it was very nice and all that, but because of the covid restrictions parts of the garden were closed, and the queues were long if you wanted to do anything, everyone was socially distancing, so on the way out of there I was thinking back to better times, and I thought of something I don’t often think back to. It took me a moment to link the feeling to the place, then it flooded back to me.

When I turned 18, I was old enough to go to the pub and legally buy alcohol, so that soon became a regular habit. The pub had 3 bars, the lounge bar was populated by families, but we weren’t really welcome in there, and the middle bar, or smoking room was for old men, they played dominoes and read the paper, they certainly didn’t want us, then there was the public bar, which was packed with young men, all swearing and getting drunk, and swearing! Did I mention the swearing? All you heard was fucking hell, Jesus, bastards, cunt, wanker this and fucking that! 

I liked the Juke box, Madness were in the charts, and in the air too!

Madness – House of Fun

Looking back, I now suspect that many of the guys weren’t so dedicated to the lifestyle as they made out, I mean, they were doing the swearing part, but not so much the drinking – a lot of guys said they’d had 8 pints, when really they’d only have 3 or 4, I myself was quite competitive, and very often I would drink and drink until I puked! Oh the puking! The vomit that never ended! And yet, as I look back on it now, in these days of covid and I recall the warmth and joy of 30 guys shoulder to shoulder – drinking, swearing, and just being quite moronicly happy!

When you walked down the pub,  it was cold and dark outside, but the pub was all warm and fuzzy, with the light at the windows, and all the guys inside going, oh yeah, the cunt was a fucking blah blah bollocks this and that the fucking bell end etc!

Anyhow, I was just thinking how funny and strange we all were with our fowl grown up language, and the way we all agreed that swearing profusely was the way forward, and it was! It really was! You could go pretty far like that in a night, you could walk in and just start with the swearing, and before long you’d forgot whatever the fuck was on your tiny mind, cos you were drunk, and you were swearing with the other guys down the pub! Baby you arrived, you got it man, you fucking got it! No cunts going to stop you swearing your fucking dumb bastard bollocks off your ball sack! 

Well that was all quite uncalled for, I mean really, I was hardly going to be working on my sensitive side in a place like that. It was the most outrageous place in the village, it was the only outrageous place really.  We sure had some fun.

Every new year, we’d do auld Lang syne across the road, the pub was located on a Y junction, so everyone would pile outside, link up hands and sing, blocking any traffic, then we’d all run into a bunch group & run back out, drunk as a bunch of lunatics! Very convivial, especially if there were no fights! 

Sometimes a female would come in, but then they’d soon realise it wasn’t for them, usually after about 30 seconds or a minute,  I don’t really remember any women coming in or actually making the mistake of buying a drink, it was pretty obviously a bear pit. Some guys brought their girlfriends into the pub, it seemed to me to have the same effect on them that it did on me, it was a fun place, but for every girl there were 10 guys, so God knows their experience can hardly have been the same as ours.

I don’t think we swore so much when the girls were in, swearing wasn’t all that really, just that as I recall, the pub was mostly about swearing & getting hammered! Lol

Every few months the Juke box would be updated with new songs, there were loads of old country songs on there the older guys would put on, as the years went by it seemed to me the new music wasn’t so good as it had been. Perhaps that’s just something to do with growing up and nostalgia, but plundering the older section I found the song Race with the Devil by Gun , I gave that a few spins – seemed to go good with a forth or fifth pint of best slosh!

Gun – Race with the Devil


Back in 1987 I went along to see The Cardiacs at the Marquee in London, I didn’t have much clue what it was going to be like, I think I just had this one song at the time – I was on the look out for anything punky really, and I’d read something about them, and bought this record.

“All of the noise takes me to the outside where there’s all creation, joining in, celebrating happiness and joy all around the world, on land and in the sea!”

Big Ship

Not the same performance, but similar in craziness! I bought their album when it came out, and played it a lot – here’s a track from it.

Is This the Life

Anyhow, years went by, and I went through a load of other stuff, as you do, then one day I went into a record shop about 15 years after, and they had a new album in the shop! Well, I was surprised they were still going – I should have kept more in touch! So I bought it, and it was great – probably better than the earlier stuff – still eccentric as anything, but kind of more mature, but still in a very immature and happy explorative creative vein. This newer album was called “Sing to God” They toured and I went and saw them again around that time, here’s pretty much what we saw that night!

Dirty Boy

That was just insanely good! You felt like you were witnessing something bonkers, but also ordered and incredible – once you saw Cardiacs live, you were likely to go again – amazing!

Shortly after that time, singer Tim Smith suffered a heart attack which ruined his life, he never recovered fully and died just the other day – I’m so disappointed, I would have loved for him to get back to health and his music – I only actually found out tonight. Fuck! What a shit deal. Well clearly he brought a lot of fun and happiness in his allotted time, but I just think its balls. I hope it was a good relief for him at least – I won’t say rest in peace, cos I don’t really dig that idea, he was a great guy! Thanks Tim Smith! You was bloody brilliant! 😀 

Birthday blues!

When I was a kid aged about 9 or 10, I was walking down this street towards a little dark lane, its got high garden fences on either side which it passes between – so its narrow and dark, anyhow, just as I was about to trot through there, this other kid was coming the other way, but it wasn’t just any kid, this guy was blowing a giant bubble gum ballon as he casually passed by! This bubble was so big you could only really see his face when it burst – he seemed to have ultimate control over this bubble, it was truly amazing an propitious moment in life! Well we went on to become friends, and spent a lot of time together over the next years of school, I would say that from that moment on, teachers, priests, parents and other influential persons had no further influence over me, my development, or my person in general. Well, that’s childhood education down the plug hole! 😀 

Anyhow, today is my birthday, I’m 56, (going on 9) so as I had the day off, we went to a nearby garden, it was raining, so everything is a bit wet – first, here’s a picture of a Goldfinch I took the other week.



I woke up with this song! An oldie, but a goodie!


When you get to a certain age you find yourself looking back on things rather than forward too. Oh, you still look forward to things of course, like this or that adventure, but you know its not going to blow your mind or change your whole world outlook – as things did when you were younger. Likewise, you see younger people thinking oh wow, I just had this or that epiphany, and you just think, oh yeah, I did that too! Did the world really change, or was it just you and I?

The world does change, and it changes for the better, as well as for the worse – so its tricky to say exactly where we’re all heading.  I don’t want to say what younger people are going through is definitely just the same old thing we all went through, because it really is changing, as are the borders and frontlines and so on. 

Anyhow, I found this article, in the TLS, about “The problem of men writing about sex” It got me thinking about the books I read, and those I avoid really, and how different it might have been if I had studied English Literature at school when I was younger, instead of opting for just leaving school at 16, and finding my own way. 


On second thoughts, I think it might be better to steer away from literature that tries to be too clever! (a great article though)

Check out this by Simply Red – Stars – he’s bonkers! His music is really dreadful, I never liked this sort of thing, I always liked Mick Hucknall’s voice! Amazing!  And anyhow, I’d quite like to fall from the stars straight into your arms, sounds ok to me! Hope you comprehend! 😀 😀 


I’m on a roll – here’s another song! Fiction Factory – Feels like Heaven! 😀 😀


Hope everyones ok BTW – had a terrible few days, really down & depressed, got 3 pairs of jeans today, retail therapy! Feel so much better! Weird! 😀

The Auction

I had this dream where I went to this auction to sell my stereo, I was hopeful to get a good price, but then it sold for just £40. So I was a bit disappointed, but I needed the money, so I was willing to accept it, what else could I do? Anyhow, when I went to talk to the auctioneer, he said well I’d advise you to hold on till later, the British public are a bit frivolous at the moment, and you might do better? Well I thought how can I do better? The guys won the bid, and its not really in my favour, so I was a bit confused. 

So anyhow, I went on to think about how hard life is and how we have to put up with all this crap about how we have to accept what we get and we don’t get any good stuff, and some people have got even less than others already struggling, and what a nightmare it all is how much people have to miss out on, how rigged the system is and all that stuff.

3 or 4 night later, I had another dream, this time I was at this big sale called Sybil Dever’s or something, and they had all this really great stuff, a lot of it was on racks really high up, but the prices were so good, and the quality was there, you just had to get this big pole with a hook to get the stuff down and have a look at it – I was really impressed with the whole thing as I’d never heard of it before – so it was pretty exciting. I think it was pretty sexy this whole thing about buying good stuff at good prices, and I thought back to my stereo which went for only £40. So I went back to the other dream and asked the auctioneer what he meant by all that about waiting for a better deal or whatever? Well he put my item back in the sale, and he was going going – anymore on this one? And this guy bid £50. and £60. And upwards, then finally the guy who originally had paid £40. Now coughed up £80 – so I was like how can this happen? 

Well the auctioneer was saying about how the public were in a frivolous mood, and I suppose he was right, cos now I’d doubled my odds, which doesn’t make much sense, since there was no reserve, but I was struck by how much fun it is – and I got to thinking, what if instead of being a guy who doesn’t like not having money, I could just be someone who has a whole lot of fun with other peoples money, as does an auctioneer? I mean, what is the true value of a thing? Who cares really, its whatever you can get people to pay, don’t go around thinking oh this guy has so much more than me, or why haven’t I got this or that, when everyone else has this or that, I mean I know its shit if you haven’t got anything, and we all need a bit of money to get by and all that, but what if you were the other guy who had loads of money, and just doesn’t really worry about people like you? You might have been that guy in another life, or if you had become an auctioneer early on, you might have a lot, or maybe not so much as all that, but you’d have seen a lot of people make a lot, or lose a lot, but it doesn’t really effect your own income, you’re just there watching it all. 

Well, I hope this clears up a few things for some or all of you – it certainly did for me! 😀 


Motorbike ride Trent riverside

I went for a motorbike ride last Thursday alongside the Trent river – you don’t see much of it in the video, as its all quite industrialised after centuries of development, but it turned out to be quite nice to ride along the little road there between one crossing at Gainsborough, and back across at Althorpe near Scunthorpe. I used the roads on the west side of the river the other week, and that was nice too, more populated than the east – some guy has a huge gun parked in his garden in the video! I crossed both bridges many times before, its my stomping ground over there on the east side of Yorkshire & Lincolnshire, I go there a lot.

I did my own music on this video, (3 instrumental songs) which is 10 mins long, its a bit strange, I just throw something together for fun really, but I sort of enjoy it, my music is really just messing about, its quirky!


R.E.M. stands for Rapid Eye Movement, which is what your eye does when you’re in deep sleep. I knew that after someone told me at some point or other, and I knew about the group REM from quite a few years before they were popular, but I didn’t really actually know anything about them, just that they existed from quite a way back in the 80s.

Well these guys moved into my flat, using the room next door for sleeping, there were three of them, when they first came and knocked on the door there were 2, I’d only expected one, since there was only one bed, but 2 turned up. There was a knock at the door, and there were these 2 guys, with eyes like saucers looking back at me, it made me laugh, cos they were obviously high on something as if I wouldn’t guess.

SO anyhow, they moved in, and this other guy just showed up at some point after that, so there were 3 in there, when they were home, which wasn’t that often. They were getting through an awful lot of ganja these guys, so much of it, I was higher than I’d been for a while just by knowing them – I guess they kept me sweet that way. So of course I was curious as to what made them tick, I liked music, and got chatting to one of the guys about that, he liked REM, he told me it stood for Rapid Eye Movement, and about how he liked these songs they do. So we got like really stoned, and he told me about how he’d been in this car accident, the car had rolled on this road I know quite well, and how he’d had to have a false heel done in an operation, around which point I just fell asleep for a bit, it was probably 4 am or something, those guys used to come into the flat at way past 2, and doss down – 3 of them in a room meant for one, so I’m meeting my neighbors, and I’m trying to stay awake, and when I wake up he’s showing me his foot, he’s got his sock off and his heel is like white, cos its some sort of plastic insert, pretty freaky, – then I wake up again, and I’m like fuck this I got to go to bed, and he’s like “you want it don’t you?” I’m thinking WTAF? Its another misunderstanding, I completely forgot whatever the subject was. He said well that’s where I want to be – I liked him, he knew where he wanted to be. Maybe this song was in my mind? I have no idea, I was totally confused! Don’t Go Back to Rockville,

I really can’t remember – they all thought I hated them for a while, and I did off and on, cos of course you do when you live with someone, there was another couple of guys living in the flat at the time, quite a few people came and went, it would have been more fun if they’d paid the bills and contributed to the running of things a bit more, know what I mean?

I quite like this one about Wild Heaven

Fucking beatniks! LOL I do remember this one – Pop Song 89

Could be from years later for all I’d know, I don’t really remember that much from that time, things got a bit frustrating, there were some other guys sleeping in the front room, this guy had such cheesy feet, I have no idea where he came from, but he drove me nearly insane – I don’t need some guy with stinky feet in my kitchen every morning for weeks on end, it don’t matter how high one is, that just doesn’t work for me – no way!

Looking at the dates, I’m talking about the 80s, but I’m thinking more like the mid to late 90s, so maybe I got it all wrong, could have easily been a throwback. I remember this one – Radio Song

I’m just wondering what REM songs I knew at that time when I told that guy I quite liked REM? I have no real idea what was going on at that time, I’d lost my mind in an incident involving magic mushrooms a year or 2 before, anyway, I liked this guy, he knew what he wanted, or where he wanted to be or whatever. Anyhow, they all moved out, in a bit of a hurry to do with cops and the law or whatever. Love this song, it definitley wasn’t out at that time, cos I remember hearing it later – (I think) – such a classic! What’s the Frequency Kenneth!

There was a knock at the door, and there were these 2 guys, with eyes like saucers looking back at me, it made me laugh, cos they were obviously high on something as if I wouldn’t guess. SO anyhow, they moved in . . .


[Edit] – I just want to add, R.E.M. are such an amazing band! I went into my collection and found so many good songs on this various collection I’d got. Its just got me floored how good they were – I added a few tracks, check it out,


I only really play them from time to time, its not really my thing, and yet when I do, I go nuts! Its brilliant!! I’m only really interested in the hits, but there’s so many, writing this blog reminded me of the missing songs I needed – its just refreshed my admiration all over again! 😀